Preparing for the Wedding - Looking after the Relationship

Some statistics I read years ago suggested that the beginning of the breakdown in a marriage relationship can often be traced back to the wedding day and also to the time a couple spend preparing for the wedding.

While a couple can be preparing for what to them will be the biggest day of their lives the seeds of resentment can be sown as a couple realise that their expectations may be different. Even couples who have lived together for years can be totally surprised by their partner’s expectations. It is not only each others expectations that they may have to negotiate but expectations of family members and societal expectations whether real or illusionary. There are many decisions to be made about lots and lots of big and little things. Being very open about these expectations and acknowledging differences may be very important before preparations begin so that there are not likely to be any big surprises along the way which may dramatically influence what should be a rich time for a couple.

As a minister acting as the celebrant for a couple I always like to check how a couple are going in their relationship during this time of preparation. I see my role as being a third and independent person that they can talk with either together or individually. I usually encourage them to look after, protect and treasure their relationship during this time and not to let the preparations become bigger and more important than the relationship. Learning to look after the relationship during this time can be very helpful for future days.