What makes a good funeral? Is there ever a funeral that could be called good?
The context of every funeral is different because each person who lives and dies is unique and the lives they have lived are unique and the people who gather are unique. The answer to whether a funeral is good or not is perhaps always only going to be a subjective answer. For example what may be helpful for one grieving relative in a funeral may be very unhelpful for another grieving relative.
In conducting a funeral it is important for me to identify as far as possible with the people who are grieving. Even if I have been a stranger to them until the moment of meeting them at a funeral interview, it is important for me to try to imagine what this family or person may be feeling at this moment. They may not be feeling anything. They may simply feel shocked or numb.They may be unable to articulate or express what they are currently feeling. They may express anger, but the anger may be the only way at this moment that they can express their sadness and grief. They may be experiencing both a sense of sadness and joy; perhaps relief that their loved one is no longer suffering, or relief that the strain on them as a carer has been lifted.
In conducting a funeral it is important for me to lead the funeral in such a way that the uniqueness of the person's life is respected and honoured and that those gathered are given an opportunity to address any regrets they may hold in relation to the person who has died, and of course be given an opportunity to say goodbye. I encourage people to include in the ceremony things that they are thankful for, things they have experienced through the life of the person.
In conducting a funeral it is important to me to respect the beliefs of those who grieve. This can sometimes be complicated because some who grieve may have firm religious views while others may be content with a sense of mystery and others may simply see a finality in it all. Some may be hoping for words of surety and certainty about life after death while some may want words that offer comfort or understanding of what they are going through. People need to be respected whether or not I share their beliefs. Rather than preach I prefer to offer a reflection on some words of Scripture or draw from other traditions if the person who has died or the family identify with a religious tradition and if they don't identify with a religious tradition I explore with them what is important for them in putting the funeral ceremony together. My role is as a facilitator.
Those are some of the things that are important to me when conducting a funeral.
